Dr Tom Bellamy — Can we get addicted to love? Limerence and the Neuroscience of obsession.
Have you ever been unable to stop thinking about someone, not just love, but something that felt more like an obsession you couldn't control?
About Dr Tom Bellamy
Dr. Tom Bellamy is a neuroscientist and Associate Professor at the University of Nottingham, where his research focuses on the neurobiology of mental health. He is also the creator of Living with Limerence, one of the most comprehensive resources available on romantic obsession, a condition he has both studied and experienced personally. His work has helped thousands of people understand and navigate the intense, destabilising state of limerence.
About this episode
Limerence is an involuntary state of romantic obsession: intrusive thoughts, emotional dependency, an overwhelming need for reciprocation from one specific person. It's distinct from love, though it can feel indistinguishable from the inside. And for some people, it's a recurring pattern that shapes their relationships for years without them ever having a name for it.
Tom brings both the neuroscience and the lived experience to this conversation. He and Jess unpack what the brain is actually doing during limerence, why uncertainty intensifies it rather than diminishing it, and what, if anything, you can do to move through it with less damage.
In this episode
What limerence is and how it differs from love
The brain’s role in romantic obsession
Why uncertainty and hope intensify limerence
The connection between limerence and addiction
How to recognise and navigate limerence in relationships
Prompt for reflection
"Think of a time you've felt consumed by thoughts of another person. What need was beneath that, and was it really about them, or about something in you?"
This prompt asks you to look past being consumed and uncover the deeper need driving it. Journaling here can help separate what belongs to you from what you’ve projected onto someone else.
Learn more about Dr. Tom Bellamy
Website | livingwithlimerence.com
LinkedIn | uk.linkedin.com/in/tom-bellamy
X (Twitter) | x.com/DrTomBellamy
Watch his videos | Dr Tom Bellamy on YouTube
This episode was hosted by Jess Leondiou, brought to you by Archley's tools for introspection and reflection. www.archleys.com
Chapters
00:00 – Introduction & What is Limerence
02:19 – Tennov’s Research & the “Limerent Object”
07:01 – The Neuroscience of Obsession
07:48 – Who is Prone to Limerence?
11:48 – Triggers: Stress, Isolation & Mood Repair
15:15 – The Five Phases of Limerence
18:32 – Early Warning Signs
26:43 – How Common Is Limerence?
30:28 – Tom’s Personal Story
36:50 – Purposeful Living as Protection
47:35 – Managing Limerence
48:15 – How Limerence Fades
01:13:02 – Resources for Support
01:14:48 – Love vs Limerence
01:21:07 – Journalling & Purpose
Transcript: Can we get addicted to love? The Neuroscience of obsession — Dr. Tom Bellamy.
